Monday, August 27, 2007

My first entry...

This could just all ultimately end up being a big giant waste of time...because it turns out that I might never use the blasted thing ever again. Or it could just end up saving me from the brink of depression that I can not seem to get away from.
I am fat, I am depressed because I am fat, and I am fat because I eat too much from being depressed...OKAY finally I have said it...or typed it.
Now to move on...I really have nothing to say right now because I am not pissed or happy or anything like that...I just exist...if i died nothing would change other than the fact that my job would need someone to replace me...but that is pretty much it.
But I will say this...I am in love with the idea of being in love. I want to fall in love...I wish to fall in love someday...someday soon I have been praying.
I have never been in love..never knew the joy..the pain...or the pleasures...I am 21 and I could acturately guess that my little sister has more of a love life than I do.
I am not ugly or anything...just fat...right now I could not honestly say why i have never had a boyfriend.
I have lied about going on dates or dating to make myself not feel so much like a reality I have only went on one date...that was a diaster (bastard tried to feed me chicken bones for dinner after I wouldn't put out)
I have this awful feeling that I will die a virgin which is probably worst than dying itself.
With all of this I am still a hopeless romantic... I read romantic trashy novels, I constantly listen to love songs, watch love films, dream about falling in love....BUT IN actuality I have never known about love...other than loving my parents and my friends.
All of this entry...untill next time.

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