Monday, March 9, 2009

Let's talk about our feelings....

So I mainly have this blog as a journal to help sort out my feelings and how I feel without having to talk to anyone and having feedback.

It is not that I do not want feedback, I just don't want feedback from people that I know because I am bias to there opinions and their opinions towards me would be bias and I am not up for wasting my time and my breath.

Why not a therapist? because I have no insurance and I have no job so no money to pay for therapy. So this is going to have to be my therapy for a while....

I think I feel too much. I think I am hypersensitive to my environment. I over analyze simple situations and complicate the uncomplicated. It just feels like my emotional skin is raw and I feel everything to the highest degree. When I laugh I laugh to the fullest, when I am angry- everything seems to be set ablaze, when I am sad- I literally cannot get out of bed. I do not think that I am bipolar but I do know that I have a mild form of depression that disrupts my life once in a while.

I over think not just once in a while but every single minute of every single day. I go through simple unimportant scenarios in my mind over and over again until I corrupt the purity and simplcity of the moment.

I wish I could just turn off my brain for one glorious week and have to not worry about my insecurities, hormones, and what I did or did not do right in the past. I am riddled with regret for unimportant details of the past, rather than the monumental events that forever changed my life.

What I would love love love love to do is to find a cause SO BIGGER than myself that I could stop focusing on my neurotic-isms that I could give of myself to the benefit of others. I want to work hard all day that when I go to bed at night I can sleep knowing that I have contributed to the world in some sort of way.

Like this documentary "Very Young Girls" Rachel Lloyd spends her whole life helping these girls (who started prostituting at pre-teen ages) turn their life around.

And countless more...

Which is why I am kind of excited about tomorrow morning! More to talk about that later!!!

hint: CASA!!!

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